Week One: OMG

I hardly know where to begin to describe the worst week of my life—no more are allowed to
come anywhere close, and that's that. I'll get the TMI out of the way first—epic diarrhea, vomiting, heartburn, chills and low-grade fever, and - big surprise - feeling all around lousy and a half. I lost six pounds in four days, but don't even consider it. Yesterday, I spent two hours at Kaiser instead of the planned 15 minutes as I received hydration and while I waited to see my wonderful oncologist who prescribed an antibiotic for my borderline infection. She kept shaking her head, saying the low white count shouldn't happen until week two. I'm precocious. Who knew?

And today I feel like an almost-new person. Thank god for modern medicine. Also the chemo bottle is gone -- hurrah -- until I get a new one in September. Not looking forward to that. But at least now I'm prepared.

Over the last several days, I ignored phone calls from people I love because I just couldn't talk. I was afraid I'd cry, for feeling sorry for myself. Pathetic. You know who you are and I am sorry. I will get back to you as soon as I can.

I've discovered that the end of the day can be particularly difficult. In fact, days have taken on a whole new rhythm. It takes longer to get out of bed and food isn't my friend any more. On a typical beautiful Saturday morning such as this one, I'd be in the garden by now, watering, deadheading, trimming, doing all the things that need doing. Those jobs have been ignored this week but I do hope to get out there for a while, if for no other reason than to see something beside the inside of this house, or Kaiser, or the radiation treatment center. Mom suggested the other day that I lie down, and I realize that after just 5 of 52 days of treatment, I'm already sick of my bed. Fortunately it's very comfy and has comforting Al on the other side.

I am so grateful for both Al and my mother. When Mom moved in in February, we could not have imagined the current situation. She keeps at things, doing laundry, taking care of the dishwasher, setting the table, feeding the cats and dog if Al isn't around, always wanting to do more. Al is Al, always there, always my cheerleader. He did nothing but hold my hand yesterday at Kaiser for over an hour as I lay covered in blankets and yet unable to warm up. Steady as he goes, that's my beloved Al.

No predictions for the date of the next episode. I hope it won't be quite so long and I hope it's a bit more chipper.

Until next time, my love to you all. K